


no harm in asking

by ToxicPineapple



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Angie Yonaga Needs A Hug, Angst, Conversations, Crying, Disassociation (Implied), Gen, Hope's Peak Academy AU, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Kirumi Toujo is a Good Maid and Also Friend.jpg, Non-Despair AU, Platonic Relationships, Referenced suicide, Talk of Suicide, That's pretty cool, discussion of suicide, is that a real tag?, the answer is no bc y'all neglect my baby at all times of day, unless you're ministarfruit, venting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-23
Updated: 2019-12-23
Packaged: 2021-02-18 03:48:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21921289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ToxicPineapple/pseuds/ToxicPineapple
Summary: although it feels like she should respond, toujo doesn't say anything else. she doesn't want to overload angie with reassurances, or make her regret requesting the space to talk in the first place. the last thing that toujo wants is to make this into such a big deal that angie calls the whole thing off. she has spare time today, and any tasks she hasn't yet completed can be done late into the night. meals can be taken care of by hanamura; he's more than happy to take the reigns in that area. her focus can remain on angie alone.and eventually, the artist says, "i've been..." she blinks slowly, staring thickly at the floor. "....i've been contemplating the idea that i should..." her hands tense up on her knees and the previously pale knuckles shoot white. "...that i should kill myself."---angie makes a request.
Relationships: Toujo Kirumi & Yonaga Angie
Comments: 15
Kudos: 36





	no harm in asking

**Author's Note:**

> https://ibpf.org/resource/list-international-suicide-hotlines
> 
> if you've been contemplating suicide, for any reason, or if you've been idealising death, seek help. talking to people is scary but the possibility of you losing your life? scarier.

"kirumi."

toujo hears the smile in yonaga's voice before she sees it. when she turns around, the artist is standing a meter or so down the hallway from where she is, her stance open and innocent, head tilted to the side like normal. there isn't anything off about her appearance, but toujo still feels unsettled, like there is something lurking behind yonaga's eyes that is difficult for her to decipher.

"may i make a request?"

toujo doesn't know why the wording unnerves her. it's a very normal thing for a person to ask her. she rationalises the strange feeling that surfaces by reminding herself that yonaga doesn't make requests all that often, and when she does she usually does it on the behalf of her god. _may i make a request._ so very formal coming from so very an informal person as yonaga.

still, the maid nods. what reason would she have to say no? yonaga's smile tightens almost imperceptibly, and toujo finds within herself the audacity to wonder about it. "could you listen to what i want to say? without telling anybody else?"

an odd request considering the asker but not one that she's never heard before. her classmates are all the types to get troubled easily- akamatsu and saihara especially but others too, gokuhara and kiibo and even momota, sometimes, and it's not uncommon for toujo to be approached with the request to listen to them vent.

she doesn't mind. emotional wellbeing is in her opinion just as important as physical wellbeing and so her duties as a maid should stretch to that too. it's flattering, even, that her classmates should trust her enough to approach her with such a request. yonaga especially, because toujo isn't sure she's ever seen anything from the artist but happiness. severity, sure, and a bit of a passive aggressive irritation, but all of it masked by a smile.

"of course." toujo inclines her head, clasping her hands against the front of her skirt, and dips her body in a shallow bow. when she straightens up again, she asks, "would you have me listen to you now, or later?"

"hmm," yonaga's head tilts to the side, water clear eyes sparkling with thought. her movements are stiff and almost mechanical, though toujo keeps the observation to herself out of a desire to give yonaga space. "now, i think!" chirps the other girl, and then she adds, "but somewhere else."

this request in particular, toujo thinks, comes as a result of yonaga not wanting to be overheard. it is, without a doubt, the reason she came to _toujo,_ rather than anyone else. "did you have anywhere in mind?"

"ah," yonaga hesitates, but nods. "yes! angie's- my, lab, will be fine." the sudden switch back from her usual talking style is admittedly somewhat startling. toujo can't help feeling a bit concerned, though she keeps that from showing on her face. yonaga takes one of her hands, the heat from her own seeping through the glove, and starts off down the hall.

not a word is exchanged between them as they climb the stairs, nor as they make their way down the hall to yonaga's lab. the artist releases toujo's hand and produces a key from the pocket of her rain coat, sliding it gracefully into the lock as though she's done so a thousand times before. the door swings open, and yonaga gestures for toujo to enter before her.

"thank you," toujo intones, ducking her head and stepping through the door. behind her, she can hear yonaga relocking the room, but her gaze is captured by the mess that the space is in.

yonaga isn't one of the most tidy of people, but this is a bit dramatic, even for her. paintbrushes and other materials are strewn across the floor, joined by broken canvasses and half-finished sculptures that are impossible to make out. near the other exit there is a tall easel set up, but toujo can't see the painting on it because it is covered with a white sheet.

when yonaga passes her, she smiles, and gestures at one of the many boxes piled up near the other exit.

"angie has been considering bringing chairs in, for guests, you know? but she hasn't made up her mind yet. usually she just sits on one of these!" she perches herself atop one of the larger boxes, and then lowers her behind to sit properly, folding her legs into her chest. from this distance, and in that position, she seems small, like she might disappear into the background amidst all the clutter in this room.

shaking off the feeling, toujo hitches her skirts and walks carefully over all the spilled paint. her heels make a quiet squishing noise every time one of her steps doesn't land so carefully, and she frowns, but masks the expression quickly before she sits across from yonaga. the box isn't particularly comfortable. it gives slightly underneath her weight, and the corner digs into the underside of her knees, and she knows that it'll be rather unpleasant later, but she ignores the feeling and folds her hands in her lap. this is a request, so she should be professional about it.

"good, good!" beams yonaga. "is kirumi comfortable? does she need anything? angie is sure she has something or other lying around here, or-"

"yonaga," toujo interjects, as she suspects that yonaga is attempting to put off talking about her feelings. "what is it that you wanted to talk to me about?"

for a long moment, yonaga stares at her, that same bright smile on her face. the smile starts feeling wooden, after a moment, and toujo notices that her eyes seem to dim, taking on a more dull appearance. in her lap, yonaga's hands shake until she clutches them together, and when she swallows, it appears to take a great deal of effort.

"take your time, yonaga." toujo says softly. she offers a tiny smile, hoping to ease the tension in the other girl's shoulders just a bit. "i'm listening for as long as you would like me to be."

"could you...?" the artist hesitates. "call me angie?" she unclenches her hands and rests them both flat on her knees, pressing down so hard that her knuckles pale. "i-i know that yonaga is more comfortable for you, but i also feel, strange, being referred to so formally."

toujo wants to ask if this is a request just for the time being, or if she means that in general, but she doesn't. instead, she nods. "alright. angie, then." she concedes, and does not ask why yonaga (angie) feels more comfortable being called that way.

"thank you," breathes angie. she takes a deep breath, and when she exhales, it seems like her entire upper body folds in on itself. her eyelashes flutter against her knees when she tilts her head, and toujo notices that she looks... well, she looks tired. not so utterly exhausted that she can't stand for another moment but she looks tired in a bone deep kind of way. the bags under her eyes are light but the way she moves is sluggish and heavy. her voice, which is usually so honey sweet and bell-like, is thick and dull. her gaze is empty.

although it feels like she should respond, toujo doesn't say anything else. she doesn't want to overload angie with reassurances, or make her regret requesting the space to talk in the first place. the last thing that toujo wants is to make this into such a big deal that angie calls the whole thing off. she has spare time today, and any tasks she hasn't yet completed can be done late into the night. meals can be taken care of by hanamura; he's more than happy to take the reigns in that area. her focus can remain on angie alone.

and eventually, the artist says, "i've been..." she blinks slowly, staring thickly at the floor. "....i've been contemplating the idea that i should..." her hands tense up on her knees and the previously pale knuckles shoot white. "...that i should kill myself."

the statement is reasonable cause for alarm, in toujo's opinion, but she zips her mouth shut several times over, ignoring the way her heart started to pound with the confession. she's dealt with this kind of thing before- a couple years back she had a client, a young man, who right from the get go thought his life lacked meaning or purpose. she had to talk him down a number of times, and even still he made a few attempts on his life that would have been successful had toujo not been so diligent.

but that client was such a morose person, it didn't feel like such a stunning contrast as this. right now, angie isn't even smiling, and toujo isn't sure that she can so much as recall a moment where she saw angie with anything but a wide smile. so much of angie's disposition revolves around _happiness._ around seeming carefree and positive and indubitably, indescribably happy. toujo has always thought that there was something darker lurking behind it but for angie to admit that she's been comtemplating something so serious, and so... permanent, toujo isn't... she's not sure how to respond.

she knows, she knows her expression betrays a bit of emotion because she can feel it, in her eyebrows and her cheeks, and part of her thinks that she should smooth it back out, erase all the creases and give angie a neutral look, but the rest of her resists the impulse. as much as professionalism would usually require her to hide her emotions under these circumstances, toujo thinks that, under the circumstances, a little bit of concern is acceptable.

"i," the silence pops when angie speaks up again, the single syllable shaking so hard that toujo questions whether or not the artist is going to start to cry. "i'm not, planning anything, and i haven't been, but i've just, i-" she rubs her hands up and down her legs, slowly and heavily, as though not even aware that she's doing it. "i don't know how to- talk about how i'm feeling. i usually just communicate through whatever god tells me to say and act like that's good enough. but i'm so-" angie freezes, and then says quietly, "i'm so tired."

delicately, toujo repeats, "tired?"

"tired, yes i'm- i'm tired of everything!" angie's hands speed up on her legs, rubbing up and down so much toujo wonders how she doesn't ache there. "i'm tired of smiling, a-and-and being happy all the time, and i'm tired of that little laugh people do when i tell them things, that _angie is strange but cute in her own way_ laugh, and i'm tired of people calling me crazy, or- or worshipping _me_ and not _god_ and i'm tired of being so sad and m-miserable all the time and having nobody to talk to because all everyone ever sees from me is happiness."

it's so many words to process at once, but toujo listens, keeping her body as still as humanly possible. it provides a sharp contrast to angie, who is shaking so hard she might burst before toujo's very eyes, hands rubbing quick up and down her legs and eyes blinking fast, fast enough to stop tears from rolling down her cheeks.

"it would, it would make everyone so uncomfortable, would it not, if i was just gloomy?" angie looks up and meets toujo's eyes. her expression is desperate. "if i came into class one morning and i was, and i wasn't smiling? if i was just sad, and openly so? i know that there are people, i-in our class who can be sad and let people know about it, but i c- but angie can't, she-" angie's eyes glaze over then, and her hands slow but don't stop. "she's so used to pretending all the time, her smiles just come on naturally. she can be so happy even when she's so sad because she has so much practice at it."

toujo wonders if it would be acceptable to reach out and take the artist's hand.

"and it wasn't a problem for her before! she was fine just being happy angie always and forever because that was what people wanted. but then suddenly she came to hope's peak, and kaede approached her and told her it's okay to be sad, and shuichi asked her to feel how she feels, and himiko-" angie chokes on the word and squeezes her eyes shut. "-himiko said that, bottling up emotions is bad and unhealthy, and _she would know,_ and so angie should be more honest with herself."

what angie is trying to say, toujo thinks, is that she didn't have any problems not being honest with herself and her emotions before coming here because she didn't know that she had the option. suddenly she's been introduced to an environment where it's alright for her to talk about her feelings, and people care about her enough to listen, and that's uncomfortable and overwhelming to the point where she wants to... to...

"this is so much to unload all at once, even for a request," sniffles angie, wiping at her eyes. "angie is sorry, kirumi. you didn't ask for her to- uhm-" she clears her throat. "say all this stuff, she didn't mean to but she's never said any of it before and it all just kind of came tumbling ou-"

"angie," toujo interrupts. the artist stops, and looks at her. her water clear eyes are watery and fragile. she's at her limit. toujo shoves back her urge to remain professional and throws herself off the box, wrapping her arms tight around the other girl.

"kiru-" angie cuts off, and toujo can no longer see her expression, so for a moment she's not sure why, but then she feels angie's face pressing into her shoulder, and the warm dampness of the tears that follow, and so she gets a pretty good idea of what just happened.

she tightens her hold, ever so slightly, on the other girl, and together they sink to the floor.

(angie requested space to vent, and privacy. not advice or comfort. toujo intends to honour that request. it's part of being a good maid, after all. but eventually, when the artist's tears run dry, and everything is quiet again, she figures that she might as well offer. there can be no harm in that, after all.)

**Author's Note:**

> :^) my angie headcanons,,,
> 
> i started writing this one late last night but my phone was glitching out so i had to wait until the morning to finish it. we're vibing
> 
> this isn't a vent but i was just like, y'know, i don't write kirumi enough, and Also. it doesn't seem implausible to me that people would request that she listen to them vent. gotta make use of the ultimate waifu in some way am i right
> 
> real shit y'all angie has a lot of depth that isn't addressed i think??? by the fandom and otherwise?? so uhhh yeah uwu


End file.
